1 dog, fast and brown
1 large fenced field
2 tennis balls, thrown great distances
Take the first 3 ingredients and mix well. Apply tennis balls using a “chuck-it” and the command “go long, girl!” Toss, retrieve, repeat for 45 minutes. Do not skimp on the rain, without it the recipe will fail.
Once the ingredients are thoroughly mixed, place dog in a well-heated Volkswagen Jetta. Put dog in backseat, but do not be surprised if dog moves into front seat if you leave her unattended when you GO INTO THE FREAKIN’ STORE FOR JUST A MINUTE. When finished, the car seats will be liberally covered with mud, the car will smell deliciously like wet dog, and the wet dog will be thoroughly exhausted. Ah, another lovely Saturday in Portland!